Everyone that’s spent a few days in this lovely city knows that you can get a fake version of just about anything. Rolex, iPad, Dior, software, Northface, headphones- the list goes on. But what about that fake that no one wants, everyone tries to avoid and has plagued each of us at least once [this weekend]. Fake alcohol.
True. Just asking:
“is this alcohol fake?”
”Zhè shì jiǎ jiǔ ma？“
Isn’t really going to get you anywhere. In fact, your kind bartender will probably just like to you and tell you it’s not. Maybe by asking-
“Which of your liquors are real?”
”Nǐ de jiǔ nǎge shì zhēn de?“
He will slip a bit of something real into your drink and allow you to begin your break-up with sobriety.
Your drink has been poured, but it seems far heavier on the mixer than the actual desired consumable, so you offer
“can you make it a little stronger?” / “can you give me more alcohol?”
“请帮我把酒调的浓烈一些吗？” ／ 能帮我多加点酒精吗？
”Qǐng bāng wǒ bǎjiǔ tiáo de nóngliè yìxiē ma？“ ／”Néng bāng wǒ duō jiādiǎn jiǔjīng ma?
As you make the international gesture of wrapping your hand around an invisible bottle and rotating it 98 degrees in a pouring motion. If he concedes, which they usually do at the establishments that offer that special Grey Goose/ Belvedere blend [as the bottle suggests] then you are indeed a few steps closer to the end goal; intoxication
Liquid courage courses through your veins and you make a ballsy move on the beautiful Shanghainese girl you’ve been casually chatting to at the bar. She bats her fake eyelashes and looks up at you with eyes that have probably had a 7000rmb procedure in the last year or two. In for the kiss, no objection from her and everything’s going well, until someone taps you on the shoulder. Whoops.
“I sorry for kissing her. I didn’t know she was your girlfriend!”
”Bàoqiàn, wǒ wěn le tā, wǒ bù zhīdào tā shì nǐ de nǚ péngyǒu“
Feeling a bit embarrassed you saunter away from the bar, hoping no one witnessed the unfortunate series of events that just unfolded. Stumbling into the neighboring establishment you inquire
“What are your Happy Hour specials?”
”Nǐmen zhèlǐ de huānlè shíguāng tèjià shì shénme?“
and then try to hide your disappointment when the bartender informs you
“buy one get one free cocktails, but they ended 10 minutes ago
”Jīwěijiǔ mǎi yī zèng yī de huódòng shí fēnzhōng qián jiéshù le
feelings of disappointment and shame invade your head as you duck out and flag down the nearest moving green light.
“it’s been a long night, take me home!”
”Zhēnshi gè màncháng de yèwǎn, dài wǒ huí jiā ba！
Shanghai Pub Crawl: Thursday night offer
Text your name plus the word “squared” to 15921614544 to receive a ¥20 dicount from the ticket price.
Meet @ O’Malley’s at 9:15pm on Thursday