LeXXX on Love and Lust: Finding Mr.Right in Shanghai

February 3rd, 2011  |  by  |  Published in LeXXX on Love and Lust  |  12 Comments

Western men often to come to Shanghai expecting to have plenty of women to choose from cheap viagra canada by virtue of the fact that Asian girls are so cheapest essay writing service into foreign boys.

Between expat women, the hordes of Asian Ray Ban outlet girls anxious to hook up someone a little different and, for the truly desperate or lazy, the wide availability of prostitutes, I think it’s fair to say that there are few places in the world where it’s easier for a western male to get laid than in Shanghai.

But for us girls, the equation is very different. Sure, Shanghai has around 10 million men, but sometimes finding a single decent one can be quite the chore. Why is finding love in Shanghai so much more difficult for the ladies? Let’s examine the two major factors working against us:

    1. Chinese Guys: Kinda Gross

Obviously this is just a generalization, and I’m sure there are many very attractive Chinese men, but for the most part, western girls just aren’t interested. For me personally, the Chinese body type and general appearance don’t do it for me. Hard to say why exactly, but I’m sure there are many western women who feel the same way. Additionally, there are quite a few behavioural items that turn pretty much all of us off. A few examples:

Long Fingernails – Chinese men like to grow their fingernails long, especially on the pinky. This practice is traditionally meant to show others that they do not have to use their hands as part of their occupation, and thus are above the working class. Even putting the disgustingness of it aside, don’t you think it’s a little bourgeoisie to go around bragging that you’re not a labourer? Not classy, not classy at all. Then there’s just something about having a single long fingernail that gives me the howling fantods.

Spitting – Never, ever, will I get used to the spitting. It’s not even the spit itself that’s the worst, it’s the sound they make when they try and get all the phlem and snot up to their mouths. Argh, yuck!

Snorting – So far this Occhiali Da sole Ray Ban outlet list must sound very stereotypical, and surely many Chinese men don’t do the things listed above, but I’m sorry, ALL of them snort.  Even my younger students do it. I don’t know what it is, but they just seem to need to snort all the time.

Dress/Accessories – The last straw is that I don’t really fancy wearing matching t-shirts with my boyfriend. Also, I will not be asked to hold my boyfriend’s purse.

I think it is really a shame that Chinese men seem to either put very little thought into their appearance, or are on totally the other end of the spectrum and carry around mentholated lip balm in a Gucci man-bag. On the other hand, Chinese women in Shanghai are quite attractive and take good care of their appearances. I think I would even prefer to date Chinese women over Chinese men.

    2. Expat Guys: Slim Pickings

Having eliminated the vast majority of native Chinese men from contention, we must now turn to our male counterparts. Unfortunately, I’ve found that these can be a disappointing batch. Let’s get scientific and use the 54 guys in my phonebook as a random sample. We have the following:

The Taken: 12 (21%) – Guys who are married or in a committed relationship are not always easy to spot, especially if they are doing the whole long distance thing, but usually they’ll mention the fact they have a girlfriend early on in a conversation and you will know to do the right thing and back off. As they say, the good ones are always taken!

The Sexpat: 10 (19%) – This category includes any western guy who just wants to have sex with whomever. Often their decision to come to China was at least partially influenced by the, ahem, ease of doing business. These guys may be a bit harder to detect when they first chat with you; it is not always obvious whether they’re a sexpat, or a guy who is genuinely interested. However, as long as you don’t jump into the sack with the first guy that comes onto you, you should be fine, just test their patience a bit. Unfortunately though, these guys tend to have had plenty of practice sweet talking the ladies, and frankly, they’re usually not the ugliest of guys. This does make it difficult for us.

The Severe Asian Fetish: 2 (4%) – This group often overlaps with the sexpats, but is slightly different because this type of guy will show no interest in you whatsoever, and more often than not will have a Chinese girl following him around everywhere he goes. I think it is quite difficult for a western guy not to get himself a Chinese girlfriend if he really wants one. Just look at Rupert Murdoch (pictured).

The Gay: 6 (11%) – Let’s be honest, this type of guy is usually quite easy to spot in his mannerisms. If that doesn’t tip you off, then usually you can tell from something he says quite early on in your conversation.

The American-Born-Chinese: 4 (8%) – If you meet one of these guys randomly in a club, you will mistake him for a Chinese guy and (for the reasons listed above) will show no interest until perhaps he starts up a conversation… but even then…

The Gap Year: 4 (8%) – Guys that are either on their gap year or for some other reason are here before going to university.  These may be lovely guys but definitely not boyfriend material for all the obvious reasons: too young, only just moved away from home, probably get drunk every night, just plain too immature. There’s nothing wrong with them having their fun, but it’s not what us mature girls are looking for.

The Rich, Stuck-up and Arrogant: 4 (8%) – Unfortunately, there are a lot more of these in Shanghai than we would hope for. They are extremely easy to spot. All you need to do is have a conversation with them for five minutes, often less. Actually, it’s really not so much a conversation as it is a monologue about how wonderful they are. This may sound ridiculous, but I assure you some people actually do go on about what good a catch they are and how much money they have. Not attractive.

The Genuinely Nothing Wrong With Them: 12 (21%) – My conclusion is that there are actually a lot more genuinely nice guys out there then I had initially thought, which gives me hope, but then one has to take into account so many more things:

Is he good looking, funny, interesting, intelligent, kind and (depending on how picky you are), rich and well-employed? Once you take all these into consideration, the percentage of suitable guys decreases even further. But don’t worry girls, your expectations also decrease as you spend more time in Shanghai!

Got a question for me? Email me: lexxxsquared@gmail.com or leave a comment below.


  1. Stephen says:

    February 3rd, 2011at 6:58 pm(#)

    Great post but I always think of sexpats slightly differently. Here is the urban dictionary definition.

    Sexpat (noun), an compound of sex and expat or expatriate.

    A sexpat is one who participates in tourism with the express intention of having sex.

    There may be a variety of reasons for this, such as:
    less restrictive laws in foreign countries;
    anonymity or privacy;
    a preference for people of other ethnic groups;
    financial reasons i.e. if one travels from a wealthy country to a poorer one.

  2. Stephen says:

    February 3rd, 2011at 6:59 pm(#)

    …I forgot to include an example of use:

    Andy: I’m becoming fed up of Phuket.
    Shane: Why?
    Andy: It’s because of all the nasty old ***man sexpats over here.
    Shane: I agree. Shall we go to Patong and ogle some bar girls?
    Andy: Ok.

  3. Antoine says:

    February 3rd, 2011at 7:35 pm(#)

    Stuck-up and Arrogant? I ave not met this type

  4. Sissi says:

    February 4th, 2011at 9:43 pm(#)

    This sounded all so scientifically exact that I HAD to figure out my own percentages on in order to get closer to finding a solution to my flat&boring love life, and also in order to proved you with some extra data in case you want to start an actual study on SH’s male expat population:

    Taken: 36%
    Sexpats: 10%
    Asian Fetish: 11%
    Gay: 11%
    ABCs: 1.5%
    Too young/ short stay: 4.5%
    Rich&Arrogant (or arrogant without even being rich): 4.5%
    Decent guys: 17%

    I need to add one extra category, the “totally unreliable/ potheads/ crazy musicians”: 4.5%.
    Though it’s a small percentage it is very dangerous because at first you might categorize as decent, or even potentials, as they are cool and intriguing. BAD idea.

    I also agree on the fact that even thought the decent guys’ percentage appears to be quite high, once you have taken out your exs, your girlfriends’ exs, the boring, the totally&desperately unattractive, the French… the actual number of potentials among them is down to about… 1.

    No freaking wonder we are single…

  5. Bill Nahill says:

    February 5th, 2011at 3:27 pm(#)

    I think most of the French fall into the “Rich, Stuck-up and Arrogant” category

  6. Liz says:

    February 5th, 2011at 8:38 pm(#)

    Says the guy going to law school…


  7. Bill Nahill says:

    February 7th, 2011at 8:00 pm(#)

    haha, fair enough. i’ll try and make sure not to get a swollen head. and the massive debt i will soon incur should take care of any suspicions that i’ve ever been rich

  8. Big Dog says:

    February 8th, 2011at 12:40 pm(#)

    Ex-pat women are bitter and jealous. If you could get could get the type of young ass I’m getting, you wouldn’t be complaining so much. if you’re dry as a bone, GO HOME.

  9. Sissi says:

    February 8th, 2011at 4:16 pm(#)

    Woah! Hahahaha this is too funny. I think we might have one extra person falling into the “Stuck-up and Arrogant” category!
    Goodness me some people don’t know how to have a laugh.

  10. Charlotte says:

    February 8th, 2011at 6:04 pm(#)

    HAHAHA only just caught up with all the comments! Sissi, I think with a name like ‘Big Dog’ it’s already quite obvious what category this guy falls into…

  11. Big Dog says:

    February 9th, 2011at 12:51 am(#)

    Not arrogant, just realistic…
    I have taken it upon myself to draw up a time-line of ex-pat women. I’m sure you ladies can identify with it and see which stage you are at:

    Stage one = Excited! New city, promise of love!
    Stage two = 3 months have passed. Still enjoying the new vibe of the city, but have started noticing that you don’t turn heads, and you are competing with size zero Asian women. Uh-oh. You start to hate chinese women and enjoy spending evenings sitting round with friends pointing out their flaws.
    Stage three = 6 months have passed. You are jaded and irritable from lack of sex. More of your friends back home are getting married. You are still painfully single. You have started using social networking websites and flirting with ‘Brad’ from high school to feel better about yourself.
    Stage four = 9 months have passed. Your love-life has been reduced to a bucket of chocolate ice-cream, flirtathons with Brad and Sex and the City 2. You pitifully offer yourself to any man who remotely smiles in your direction.
    Stage five = 1 year has passed. You return home, pour yourself into your too-small jeans, meet Brad for a drunken one-night stand. Soon after this Brad stops answering your incessant phone calls and later deletes you from Facebook, preferring to spend time with his wife.

    And here ends the cycle.

    Any questions?

  12. Matt says:

    February 9th, 2011at 9:04 pm(#)

    “Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, ‘This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!’ This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it’s still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything’s going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for.”

    I think that you’re hanging on to the notion that you are happy, Big Dog.
    Good luck with it, bud.



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