Found this posting under the personals section on Shanghai’s Craigslist. Gentlemen, it looks like there is a single lady with a wicked sense of humor out there.
For me to take home to my staunchly Catholic mother to see if we can induce the heart attack she’s always promising me. Also taking candidates from the following categories:
A. Charming grifters
B. No hope musicians
C. Winsome heartbreakers
D. Tourette’s syndrome sufferers
E. Too young for me
F. Too old for me
G. Not good enough for me
H. Too good for me
I will not be entertaining any applicants who fall into the following category:
A. Fatty fatty boom bah
I promise the successful applicant will never have to:
A. Carry my handbag. It’s expensive and I don’t trust you.
B. Share a bathroom. Yours will be down the hall.
C. Cook. Because I’m an awesome chef.
D. Detox. Because it’s boring.
E. Be nice to your mother-in-law
You will however have to put up with:
A. My hypochondria
B. My insane working hours
C. My general insanity…but I think it’s caused by a tumor pressing against the left frontal lobe of my brain so once work gives me time off to have it removed, I should be fine.